I know, I know. I’ve blogged about the great relationship…the great guy…the building a life together…his relationship with my kids. And well, it has ended. We have respectfully parted ways as friends, thanked each other for the time we spent together, all the fun we had as a couple, and all the good that came out of our relationship. As he stated, we “high roaded it” out of the relationship. To part with peace and kindness is the only way to go.
The break-up caused two major issues in my life. Well, not issues – more like four alarm fires. The first was that I found myself unemployed. I worked for my boyfriend. He’s been kind enough to keep me on staff for two months giving me time to find a job and health insurance through the transition. Kindness.
The other issue is that I need a place to stay when I am not with my kids. (My children “nest” in a house, my ex and I move in and out when it is our time with them. When I wasn't with my kids I was with my boyfriend. Eventually I need to blog about the nest.) Thanks to the kindness of two friends, I have a space to live in when I want to be in town near my girls, and a space with one of my besties for when I can get away. The arrangements could not be more perfect. These fabulous women have welcomed me into their homes and just as important as the roof over my head is the friendship they provide.
So given these are two substantial issues, I immediately circled the proverbial wagons solved the housing issue AND have started the job search. I have many friends far and wide and even across cyberspace. These contacts have been very helpful offering to act as references, providing information on specific jobs, and have promised to lend their support to my applications. Not bad for just over a week.
But there is other work to be done.
I am committed to only looking forward and making this one amazing year. It’s time I live through what most women do when they get divorced. I need to find my identity outside of a relationship. I didn't give myself much time to breathe out of my divorce and jumped into a relationship…and then this last one. Now, I need…want…crave….and will relish the space. I feel as if it is a gift that has been given to me and I will cherish it.
A few nights ago I found a great 100 day program book. The preliminary work is extensive but I am slowly moving through it and then I’ll pick my “day 1.” I’ve thought clearly about all of the things that have been on my list for so long, and well now, with some extra time on my hands, by golly it is time to get rolling. Look for future announcements.
I also have a few items on my agenda to help build a life for myself and not around someone else. It’s quite simple, I sit in the center of my life and the first ring around me is filled with my children (usually flying around me at top speed needing a ride somewhere and being fabulous). The next rings should be filled with my family, friends, and community that I put in place for myself. Over the last several years, I have allowed those rings to be filled with the friends, family, and community of my significant others. Turns out, a relationship is about sitting next to each other and merging rings. So, I need my own set of rings.
For many non-discussable reasons, I have not had that much contact with my family over the last several years. Both sides tried in our own ways to come together but nothing worked. Finally, this year, I made it my New Year’s Resolution to fix the mess and tremendous progress has been made. My kids have played with their cousin, I have had lunch with my parents…we are in contact. What a great start to the year it has been. Ring two is building.
So as I get settled, I am jumping out of my skin to re-establish myself in my community. I gave it up, running away after my divorce. The bitchy gossipers were too much for me to deal with – I lost friends and lost hope that I can be happy here. I was so harshly judged that I shrunk and convinced myself there was very little for me in town. I kept a few close really good friends but otherwise disappeared. I have this joke that I live under a rock. Ya know what, worms live under rocks – I hate worms. As I have learned it is also dark under rocks – and I was meant to dance in the sun (ok, well not actually dance because according to my children that is majorly embarrassing). And, as it turns out, there are a whole bunch of people that I would love to get to know. I’ve made new friends being the Divorce Welcome Wagon and there are other friends to be found. That’s exciting. Ring three. Community, ring four.
So I’m single, and quite excited about the future. The next year will be full of endless possibilities and I’m sure a few obstacles. Clearly I know who my go-to people are in the world and am quite confident more will be added to my posse. Who knows what I will find and discover along the way…endless possibilities…endless excitement.
I’m not particularly sure how I will use this blog during the next year. I like the fact that it is focused on being a single mom. In the meantime I’ve started to track the progress of my 100 day journey on another blog (trying out Wordpress). Not sure when it will be ready for public consumption….I’ll keep you posted.