Friday, September 6, 2013

I Would Totally Date Me

 “I would totally date me!” a good friend of mine exclaimed while we were out to dinner one night.  She continued “if I was sitting here at this bar and I walked into this restaurant and saw me sitting at this bar, I would want to date me.”  This has become one of the defining statements of our relationship.  Why, because I would absolutely date me as well. 

This bond we now share is one we rely on often.  It is a reminder that we are awesome, because we are.  It is also a reminder that we have both done the work to get to a point where we are not going to settle just to be in a relationship, we want matched awesomeness in a partner. 

As a 40+ divorced single mom, I can assure you this is not about having a big ego, pompous attitude or throwing it out there that “any guy is lucky to have me.”  This is about knowing who I am, setting the bar high, and not settling.  And my amazingness is defined by me and I know not everyone shares the same definition.  I am a lot to handle and not the right chick for every guy. 

This is also about showing my three daughters to applaud their own excellence and put people in their lives that are worthy of a spot.  Girls, don’t settle, ever. 

But the experience got me thinking, if people are struggling to find a relationship, are they really putting themselves out there to find the type of person they actually wish to attract?  And I realized there are two key pieces, be the type of person you wish to date, and be a woman with high value. 

We are awesome and the types of people we want to date, are you?  For me, a partner needs to be fun, have lots energy, thoughtful, in shape, committed to staying healthy, and drama free.  He should be an excellent parent fully involved in the lives of his children.  I am all those things, so I would totally date me.  What does this translate to?  Well I want these qualities in a partner and since I’m putting those out there, guess what?  I’ll attract the person I am looking for in a mate.  And I’m not looking for someone who is exactly like me, but on the bigger things I’ve mentioned, very important. 

We are women of high value, are you?  As explained by Matthew Hussy in his book Get the Guy: Learn Secrets of the Male Mind to Find the Man You Want and the Love You Deservea woman of high value is one that is self-confident, independent, has integrity, sticks to values, has standards, and continually celebrates her femininity.  We have character (and are both characters) and, if you have ever spent time with us, we are fun.  We do not allow drama into our lives, we celebrate our lives, and probably most importantly, have amazing lives.  We aren’t looking for a man or relationship so we can finally get a life.  We want a partner who, in addition to having a life of his own, makes ours even more amazing, if that is even possible. 

As you know, I spent some time in the world of online dating where most of this crystallized for me.  Whether you are in a marriage, dating someone, in a committed relationship, or looking for love online, make sure you are the person you want to be with.  It is this true acceptance of ourselves that can ground us and then partner with the right person on a more meaningful level. 

This post is dedicated to my dear friend Danielle Pearson who is my fellow hopeless romantic, shares my zest for life, and honestly, if I switched teams, I would totally date her.  The guy who is able to grab her heart and hold her close will be one of the luckiest men on earth.  

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