Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Why You Need a Dating Coach

There are all types of coaches in today's modern world. Coaches can help you prioritize goals, examine where you are stuck, and hold you accountable for making progress in your life. You can surround yourself with a business coach, life coach, social media coach, parenting coach...and even a dating coach. For women in the 40+ dating world who are divorced, I highly recommend you seek the counsel of a dating coach.

I am lucky, right around the time I began dating online a woman crossed my cyberspace path.  We were both writing on the divorce vertical for an online publication.  Her writing was impressive and I started making comments on her work.  Her advice was spot on and really resonated with me.  We had conversations in the comments areas, friended each other on Facebook, and started helping each other on Google+.  We finally decided to talk on the phone after private messaging for quite some time.  You could say I picked up a friend on the internet.  And now, this woman, Sandy Weiner, is a close confidant.  Sandy is also a relationship coach.  

Sandy is the proud owner and founder of Last First Date.  Through her coaching and writing she helps women in several areas of their dating life as they work through the steps of gaining clarity on what they want in a partner, how to get out there and find him, and then walking through the steps of building a relationship.  What is unique about her approach is that she works with clients so they remain true to themselves and never settle.  Her goal is for all your ducks to walk in a line and eventually have "your last first date."  Sandy is herself divorced, dating online, and brings a wealth of personal experience to her coaching practice.

Very quickly we developed a close personal and reciprocal relationship through pm's on FB and long phone conversations.   Just as our friendship was getting off the ground, I found "him." He had the center core of integrity I was looking for, is the phenomenal father I wanted to find, and has matched crazy and energy with me.  But, navigating the waters of this relationship was a bit tricky.   So, as that  relationship took flight Sandy was there for me every step of the way as we also built our own friendship.  I very quickly realized I was not only a guinea pig as she honed her skills but lucky beyond words to have a woman with tremendous insight into the world of dating in your 40's.

Through my friendship with Sandy I realized the tremendous benefits of a dating coach.  Here are a few:  

1.  She made me maintain my status as 'woman of high value."  There has been a whole lot of writing done on what it means to be a woman of high value.  This is a woman who, rather than go insane within a relationship takes time to get to know a man, realizes his many strengths, and most importantly has a life outside of the relationship.  She has friends, a job, and hobbies that fulfill her.  She doesn't need a man to be fulfilled, she wants a romantic relationship.  When getting to know someone Sandy makes you think and question different issues that come up and helps you determine if you are settling or understanding.  Snooping, stalking, and screaming are not allowed.  

2.  You are clear on what you want, present that to the world, and do not settle.  Before you start dating you should have an actual list of what you want in a relationship.  My list went something like:  steel center core of integrity, a phenomenal father, visits the gym regularly, and loves to have a ton of fun.  It was important that his crazy was matched with mine and that he had enough energy to keep up  with me.  Before I met Sandy my list was clear and as I began dating online it became even clearer.  Sandy can help you narrow your list and will let you know when you are being too picky.  

3.  Sandy is going to help you slow things down as your relationship is progressing, but also make sure it is moving along.  If you have a commitment to one another is his profile down?  Introduce him to your friends after a month or two - good!  If you want to move in together after three weeks she is probably going to question that with you and help you examine the motives.  

4.  When issues arise you have someone to talk to.  Your friends might all be married and out of the dating world for quite some time.  Times have changed in the world of dating and those out there in our 40's need help navigating the rules.  When we were dating back in our 20's we did not have technology or kids.  Those two additions to the world of dating make it a complex.  A coach can help you navigate these new waters.  

If you find yourself stumbling around in the world of dating you may want to consider a coach if you aren't lucky enough to have a Sandy in your life.  A coach can help you see all that you bring to a relationship and, when ready, and based on your own values and beliefs find the right person to partner with in life.  And suddenly, just like me, you might sit back and realize that your heart has this funny feeling you have had your Last First Date.  

I wonder what Sandy would say if I called to let her know "I texted him 100 times before lunch and he just won't get back to me!!!!"


  1. What a great testament to working with a dating coach. If women started using coaches decades ago, can you imagine how much stronger and independent we would now be?

    1. There is such a horrible stigma attached to coaches - people think it is about therapy. I have had the best experience with coaches