Have I showered today? Relaunching a website.

In January I was given some startling advice.  My website, while brilliantly written, was not designed to attract my target audience..small business owners needing and wanting help with their social media campaigns.  The site was too crowded, unclear, and generally not user friendly.  I was devastated but up to the challenge of fixing it all.  I thought and thought about all I heard and made a list of what needed to be done...which included:

1. Launching another website to house my consulting and speaking (and so, www.JenniferGardella.com)
2. Offering different levels to better meet the needs of my clients - they needed price points, names, and full descriptions.
3. A better explanation of exactly what people receive. 
4. Some explanation of exactly what small business owners need to do on social media
5. I needed to accept credit cards - not just Paypal
6. The list went on and on on....

It took some time for it to sink in that I needed a whole new plan. The  first website, Jennifer Gardella,  went up rather quickly - I was writing and planning when I found a Wordpress template that I loved and it was very easy to build.  But then I needed to think about the next pieces of the plan. I knew I needed some help with programming my website, a new CRM system, and an endless amount of time to get the pieces in place.  The CRM piece really was a big hurdle and I wound up with Infusionsoft.  It was exciting to take that type of leap and put that faith in my business, but it was a ton of work to get started. I mean a whole bunch of work as I also reworked Your Social Media Hour.  I felt like I was back to the days when my first daughter was born - not sleeping a whole lot and could not remember if I even showered that day. 

As the pieces started coming together I really didn't have a whole lot of time to breath.  Infusionsoft took most of my time and the site was always there to be worked on.  I was writing on line for carpools and in parking lots as I shuffled my kids around.  I would roll out of bed and start working at 6am. I was in a state of "What's Important? What's is Urgent" and there were times when my children made dinner for us and even did the grocery shopping.

And now, the work is done and we are off and running:  writing website articles and blog posts; offering new programs for our military; partnering with Bright Flame Consulting, and working with local small business owners to help them establish their social media footprint..just to name a few things going on.

Being a mom-preneur is so exciting...stay tuned for more exciting things on the horizon and how I get through each one launching!  

The Rules of Online Dating

Just today I was on the phone with my dear friend Paul.  He lives across the country, is in his early 30's, is super amazing, and is right now spending some time in the underbelly of the world...online dating.  As a card carrying member of the "I survived online dating club," I shared with him my rules.  He had never heard most of them and asked me to write them down.  Ask and ye shall receive dear friend.  Here they are:

1. Have a sense of humor. I was serious about the process and wanted to find a 'special person.' However, right from the start I became very well aware that I was going to experience ridiculous.  In fact, the first night I set up my account I laughed until 1 in the morning.  Guys lounging shirtless on unmade beds in front of a laundry basket, others holding heavy things like rocks and tree stumps; they all had a picture holding a heavy fish or on a motorcycle. I felt like I had entered an alternate universe, because I had.  You can find some of my initial impressions here.  Once I started going on dates crazy got kicked up a notch.  Yes, I was disappointed when someone told me they weren't 'technically' divorce, or lived in their mom's basement, or that the fact they weren't allowed to see their children was just a big 'misunderstanding.'  But I learned to laugh through the entire ordeal knowing he would pop out of the process.  
2. Be clear about who you are looking for and then be flexible with your list. Online dating operates on the basic law of attraction.  What you put out to the universe is exactly what you are going to receive. You should be clear in your profile about who you are as a person and the qualities you are looking for in a mate.  The great thing about online dating is the more I interacted with others either online or on dates the clearer I became on my list.  For instance, I wanted someone who is a dad, really involved in the lives of his children.  So, if I guy only saw his kids once a week for dinner (typically on Thursday night) he was not for me. 
3. Name your dates.  While many people have called me out on this idea it was critical to the process.  Naming your dates is not only fun but adds some humor to the process. I had backpack man, the playa, and of course Top Gun.  
4. Don't book the preacher.  I have written about this topic as well and it just might be the most critical rule.  You see a profile and s/he looks interesting.  You start messaging on the site and eventually take it to text and even phone calls.  He says all the right things, gives good phone, and you think you have found the one...then you meet and you realize there is nothing between you at all - and you are upset.  If the first meeting goes well you find yourself two weeks in and get all excited this could be the one.    My rule - stop and let three months pass before you even think about month four.  Just enjoy those first few months of getting to know one another. Spend lots of time together and talk - a whole lot.  

These rules really really helped me get through those months dating online.  I was hopeful during my search however kept a clear head about the reality of my situation. I knew I had to sift through a whole lot of people to find someone who was the right fit for me (and vice versa of course).  

So, to my dear friend she is out there waiting for you. She may come to you through the world of online dating, or you may casually bump into her on the street.  Know that she will be one lucky girl if she can capture your heart.  

Dear Infusionsoft:

Hi!  My name is Jennifer Gardella, owner and Founder of Your Social Media Hour. I signed on as an Infusionsoft client in June and am thrilled with my decision.  I have entered your “own your summer” contest and thought it would be a good idea to give you a bit more information about me.   I believe I am the perfect small business owner for your grand prize.  

First, directly in line with the mission of Infusionsoft, I too have a passion for helping small business owners, in fact I built my entire business around that goal.  My service, consulting, and speaking engagements are designed to provide critical information at an affordable price point to individuals wanting to build a digital footprint for themselves and their enterprise.  I want all small business owners to use social media as a tool to build the business of their dreams.  And, my service, which provides education to small business owners is the perfect compliment to your social media tools.  

Second, this is the perfect time for me to receive the support your grand prize offers. The consulting appointments that I purchased with the Kickstart package helped me set-up my systems and learn the basics, but I really have only scratched the surface.  Once the initial pieces take-off this week there are many other areas I want to move into. Learning from your experts while still new to the system will ensure my processes are strategic, implemented correctly, and use the full potential of Infusionsoft.  One of the reasons I selected Infusionsoft was for the automation, and I would like to learn from your experts how to maximize those capabilities.  Additionally, this is the perfect time for me to sit with Daymond Jones.  As I launch my plans to grow through Infusionsoft his advice in many areas of my business would be invaluable.  

Third, I am committed to setting measurable goals and progress checkpoints which, in addition to the automation, is what Infusionsoft is all about. I intend to measure each aspect of my business including number of subscribers to my newsletter and service, prospects, average sale, and upsells just to name a few.  Keeping in line with my desire to build, my next program is ready to roll out and will provide another opportunity to sell to current clients.   Guidance on the right way to position this new product would be beneficial. 

Fourth, I have boundless energy and will use each and every piece of the grand prize to the fullest.  You can see my energy in the work I have done including my websites (www.yoursocialmediahour.com and www.jennifergardella.com).   The time and commitment I have poured into my business is evident by the progress I have made.  This blog, NJ Divorce Mom, is full of my passion and values and you can find more evidence in my writing on the Huffington Post.  I have realized success on my own, and look forward to taking it to the next level. I have already come a long way demonstrating my dedication to the belief that my business will soar with the advice of Daymond and year of Infusionsoft consulting. 

Lastly, I would love to take my boyfriend away as a special treat for all of the support he has given to my business.  We began dating when I first launched last July (we met online no less!).  He has given me invaluable business advice, places unwavering belief in my success, and gives me space to get my work done.   As a retired Navy Commander (pilot, I nicknamed him Top Gun) he inspired me to offer my service to military trying to build small businesses, and has shown me a level of integrity and commitment I never thought was possible to find in a partner.

This grand prize would set me up for great success. As a single mother I carry a substantial financial burden in supporting my three teenage daughters.  In the short-term my business is poised to pay our bills, and long-term provide me with the with the financial stability to live the life of my dreams.

By selecting me as your grand prize winner you partner with a highly motivated single mother who has unlimited potential to successfully build a company and bring much needed information to small business owners.  I look forward to following the Own Your Summer contest, taking advantage of the special trainings you are offering on the website and look forward to hearing of your  decision soon.

Thanks so much for your time. 

Sincerely,

Jennifer L. Gardella, Ph.D.

(609) 647-5327
www.JenniferGardella.com
Owner, Your Social Media Hour
Personal Blog
Huffington Post Bio 

   

40 Bags in 40 Days

March 14 was a fairly big day in my life.  My co-parent had just moved out of the nest into his own place and I was now the sole owner of the house.  After sharing it with him for almost five full years I was ready to make it my own.  But first, there was a whole lot of cleaning to do.  Fifteen years of "stuff" had accumulated.

I looked into many options.  Did you know there are services that will come and just take everything out of your basement?  They just haul it all away.  There are also services that will help you clean, such as Just Simplify Me, a business that will help you clean out your house at whatever level you need. 

I decided that what I really wanted to do was clean out, at least this first round myself.  At that time, lots of people on Facebook were talking about the 40 bags in 40 days concept – commit to filling a garbage bag each day for 40 days.  To me this seemed like a good first step.  Get a handle on the clutter and the extent to which I must clean out. Make a bit of progress, and see what I was in for to getting the whole house completely weeded out.

How did I get it all done?  Well there were times when I would give an hour and see how much I could put into bags.  Other times I just grabbed a bag and started filling.  There were times when I just wanted to clear out one closet.  For instance, when the mood hit me I walked into my closet and bagged anything I had not worn in a year or more.

What went into the 40 bags?  We stuffed them with lots of garbage, old projects that previously could not be parted with (by me or the children), toys, and other chotchkies.  I have a new found respect for those parents who do not allow Happy Meal toys or birthday party favors in their home.  Each of us saying goodbye to our treasures that were important long ago and now helped accomplish a goal. 

Where did the 40 bags go?  I called the Vets, dropped a few things off at Homefront, threw lots away, and gave a few things to friends.  At times we left bigger pieces of furniture out on the street and they were scooped up each day by dinner.

We made substantial progress and still have lots to do.  Next, we move onto the basement…we should putt Hefty on alert and buy their stock – we are going to need a whole lot of bags for that one.  

What's in Your Envelope?

A few months ago I looked at my calendar and realized a good friend's birthday was fast approaching, I needed to get her a great gift.  I wanted to make her birthday exciting, bring some crazy into her day, and honor our friendship with a memento she could cherish. Suddenly I had the idea.  It would take a bit of coordinating but it was doable.

She came for dinner a few nights before and I handed her an envelope.  I explained she was not to open it until it was requested by another person, at which time the contents could be revealed.  I assured her she knew the person, there would be no surprise (like a ninja jumping out of a tree), and she would feel very comfortable.  She was coming back for dinner two days later, on the night of her birthday, and I did tell her the person would appear before her return to my dining room table.

What I didn't realize when I handed Susan the envelope was I started a near 48 hour period of utter amusement, wonder, and deep contemplation.  What did she think was in the envelope?  What did she need to be in the envelope?  What did she want the envelope to contain?  

When the envelope was actually opened we were all in for quite a surprise as it seemed to unleash an unexpected power that was able to work a magic for which I have been thanked by the many people its contents have impacted.  All I wanted to give to my dear friend was a few days of wonder and reflection - but it turned out to be a force of goodness that could not be restrained.  It was a mighty gift that will live on, the effects possibly forever.  My little surprise born out of unconditional love for my sister grew a bit mightier than both of us.

Now, you may be thinking that I am going to tell you what was in the envelope, the details of how the other person was involved, and how it all played out.  Sorry, but no. What was actually in that envelope as she opened it, the identity of my partner in crime, and what has occurred since are not part of the reason I bring this story to my blog.  

The reason I tell this particular tale is to ask you to consider the question....

if you were given an envelope, what would you want it to contain?

For Susan's actual birthday dinner I had assembled her posse, a cast of characters sat around my table with a spirit of unconditional love I wish could be bottled.  When we got to talking about the envelope I actually posed this question to the group and the collection of responses was as intense and eclectic as our respective personalities.  A new job, untold wealth, an engagement ring, peace, and a motor cycle, the list was varied.  

And so, faithful reader, what is the first idea your gut blurts out? What is it that you truly desire?  If you allow yourself to dip a little deeper into your heart, what is it that you yearn to obtain?  

And then of course this all begs the question,

why don't you just go and get it for yourself?  

Do you really have to wait for someone to give you an envelope contacting exactly what you want?

That answer is a very simple one, and one you already know.  You do not need me, or anyone else to give you an envelope with what you want to bring into your life.  You, and you alone possess the power to bring about your own great change, wealth, happiness, and peace.  No, you can not propose to yourself, well, I guess you could.  You can certainly  put yourself on a path where the end result is whatever you desire. Yes, there may be obstacles including financial barriers, access, or time needed. Deep down you know you can make it all happen.

My friends, imagine I have given you an envelope inside of which is only permission to go and build whatever it is that you desire. The path to your success will be all about the journey and not nearly as exciting as the destination...remember, the fun of Susan's gift was not the contents of the envelope but the few days she spent thinking about it.

This post is dedicated to Logan, a shining star in the world who graduates today from High School.  Logan, remember your strength and many special gifts you possess which are yours alone to share with the world.  Whatever it is you would want an envelope to contain you can give to yourself.  Most importantly, Dr. My Hero is always watching...so make good choices...and never stop ringing the doorbell just to say hello.  

Why You Need a Dating Coach

There are all types of coaches in today's modern world. Coaches can help you prioritize goals, examine where you are stuck, and hold you accountable for making progress in your life. You can surround yourself with a business coach, life coach, social media coach, parenting coach...and even a dating coach. For women in the 40+ dating world who are divorced, I highly recommend you seek the counsel of a dating coach.

I am lucky, right around the time I began dating online a woman crossed my cyberspace path.  We were both writing on the divorce vertical for an online publication.  Her writing was impressive and I started making comments on her work.  Her advice was spot on and really resonated with me.  We had conversations in the comments areas, friended each other on Facebook, and started helping each other on Google+.  We finally decided to talk on the phone after private messaging for quite some time.  You could say I picked up a friend on the internet.  And now, this woman, Sandy Weiner, is a close confidant.  Sandy is also a relationship coach.  

Sandy is the proud owner and founder of Last First Date.  Through her coaching and writing she helps women in several areas of their dating life as they work through the steps of gaining clarity on what they want in a partner, how to get out there and find him, and then walking through the steps of building a relationship.  What is unique about her approach is that she works with clients so they remain true to themselves and never settle.  Her goal is for all your ducks to walk in a line and eventually have "your last first date."  Sandy is herself divorced, dating online, and brings a wealth of personal experience to her coaching practice.

Very quickly we developed a close personal and reciprocal relationship through pm's on FB and long phone conversations.   Just as our friendship was getting off the ground, I found "him." He had the center core of integrity I was looking for, is the phenomenal father I wanted to find, and has matched crazy and energy with me.  But, navigating the waters of this relationship was a bit tricky.   So, as that  relationship took flight Sandy was there for me every step of the way as we also built our own friendship.  I very quickly realized I was not only a guinea pig as she honed her skills but lucky beyond words to have a woman with tremendous insight into the world of dating in your 40's.

Through my friendship with Sandy I realized the tremendous benefits of a dating coach.  Here are a few:  

1.  She made me maintain my status as 'woman of high value."  There has been a whole lot of writing done on what it means to be a woman of high value.  This is a woman who, rather than go insane within a relationship takes time to get to know a man, realizes his many strengths, and most importantly has a life outside of the relationship.  She has friends, a job, and hobbies that fulfill her.  She doesn't need a man to be fulfilled, she wants a romantic relationship.  When getting to know someone Sandy makes you think and question different issues that come up and helps you determine if you are settling or understanding.  Snooping, stalking, and screaming are not allowed.  

2.  You are clear on what you want, present that to the world, and do not settle.  Before you start dating you should have an actual list of what you want in a relationship.  My list went something like:  steel center core of integrity, a phenomenal father, visits the gym regularly, and loves to have a ton of fun.  It was important that his crazy was matched with mine and that he had enough energy to keep up  with me.  Before I met Sandy my list was clear and as I began dating online it became even clearer.  Sandy can help you narrow your list and will let you know when you are being too picky.  

3.  Sandy is going to help you slow things down as your relationship is progressing, but also make sure it is moving along.  If you have a commitment to one another is his profile down?  Introduce him to your friends after a month or two - good!  If you want to move in together after three weeks she is probably going to question that with you and help you examine the motives.  

4.  When issues arise you have someone to talk to.  Your friends might all be married and out of the dating world for quite some time.  Times have changed in the world of dating and those out there in our 40's need help navigating the rules.  When we were dating back in our 20's we did not have technology or kids.  Those two additions to the world of dating make it a complex.  A coach can help you navigate these new waters.  

If you find yourself stumbling around in the world of dating you may want to consider a coach if you aren't lucky enough to have a Sandy in your life.  A coach can help you see all that you bring to a relationship and, when ready, and based on your own values and beliefs find the right person to partner with in life.  And suddenly, just like me, you might sit back and realize that your heart has this funny feeling you have had your Last First Date.  

I wonder what Sandy would say if I called to let her know "I texted him 100 times before lunch and he just won't get back to me!!!!"

My Next Trip Around the Sun

I just awoke to a beautiful day here in New Jersey, and lucky for me, it is my birthday. As I start 45, I am a bit stronger, crazier, and abundantly happier.  This past year was about a searching and starting, and maintaining my authentic self at all times.  While there have been lessons learned every single day, even from my garden, a few big ones were themes of this past year.

Lesson 1:  Reach for the stars.  As I graduated from Rutgers and transitioned out of the stay-at-home-mom world, Your Social Media Hour was born.  I saw my grit, determination, multi-tasking and ability to reach for the stars, all in plain site. Networking, writing,  building websites and planning were part of each crazy day.  I have clients I love working for and plans to expand in a few different areas. No idea is to big.  Just go for it.

Lesson 2:  Sometimes you have to get really uncomfortable to find what you want.   I wanted to find an amazing individual to partner with in life, and I knew he was not going to just ring my doorbell.  So I entered the world of online dating.  I was uncomfortable and embarrassed while being thoroughly entertained.  And with a clear intention, great sense of humor, lots of sifting through fish,  and advice and support of my dear friend +Sandy Weiner, well, he entered.  He is matched crazy and energy to me, has a center core of integrity, is a  phenomenal father, and whole and complete...he is my King of Cups.  I had to get "skin crawling" uncomfortable to find him and that discomfort was worth it.

Lesson 3:  When its right, it is right.  During this past year my co-parent and I broke up the nest.  Our children were nesting in a home and we moved in and out based on our parenting schedule.   Moving forward I will maintain the house.  It is big, needs work, is cluttered with stuff and is expensive.  But being here just feels right to me.  Everyone has enough space and my business has space to grow.  No need to move.

Lesson 4:  Be a freakin' parent.  We aren't mean to be friends with our children during their high school years.  They are to go out in the world and develop friendships with peers.  We stand behind the scenes making sure their grades are good, skirts the appropriate length, and digital activity in check.  We provide food, shelter, clothing and a safe haven of security.  But, what our children do not need is pampering, the feeling that a cell phone is a right, or a parent walking on egg shells so the child is our friend.  Most times you just have to swoop in and be the authoritarian.  Our parents didn't care if we liked them or not and they certainly didn't teach us that everyone is a winner.  We were raised to be responsible.  Kids are dying for that direction and structure.

This next trip around the sun is about healing and building on what  I have learned.  According to the tarot my business is going to take off in ways never imagined and planned.  Something is growing, a seed inside of me - lots of ideas are percolating.   A great teacher is coming into my life and then the big opportunity comes my way.  I'm thinking Google (if this seems crazy to you please refer back to lesson #1).  

I also have some healing to do, as there is a dark hole in me that needs mending -  I was rejected, misunderstood, and ousted by those who are suppose to unconditionally love me.  This pain has traveled with me through time and while I have accepted and forgiven the hole in my heart remains. I am the only one who can truly close this gap, but need the support of others to help with the process.

What I love most about my life, and really most important are the people who are around me.  My three daughters who bring an abundance of love and light into my life.  My special person who has given me the comfortable place to sit authentically as myself; Marcus, my King of Wands who provides me with guidance like no other, Susan, my high Priestess of the Universe my sister, Dannielle for protecting my inner hopeless romantic, and Eric, my little brother.

The people, the lessons, the building, the healing...ok, let's get this party started.